The Birthday Invasion
by NotAnOunceOfLogic
Summary: The Doctor and Amy are hyper, Rory is appologetic and Gwen just wants one occasion without an invasion


"I can't believe he's 2 already!" Jack said reaching out to take Gwen's son from her.

"Looks just like his daddy too!" Rhys replied smugly.

"We're hoping he grows out of that." Gwen teased her husband.

"I'm hurt!" Rhys looked insulted.

"Stop teasing the birthday boys' daddy." Martha laughed, "It's not-"

Martha cut off mid sentence as a familiar sound hit her ears.

"Do you—"

"Hear that?" Jack finished, turning to watch where the sound was coming from.

"Can't we go one special occasion without an alien invasion?" Gwen growled in aggravation, "Is that just too much to ask of the universe?"

"If there are Aliens arriving the birthday boy and I are going to go stand over there where it's safe…and normal." Rhys stole his son back, heading towards the other side of the yard where some other children were playing near their parents.

The TARDIS materialized completely and the Doctor poked his head out as if trying to discern where they were before he spotted them; "Hello!" he started making his way quite enthusiastically over to them, his two companions not far behind.

"Hello Boss," Mickey greeted him with forced cheerfulness, still annoyed over the exploding blender incident, "Gwen, hide your toaster."

"Why—"

"Just do it." Martha warned her.

"Who's invading the earth this time? "Gwen asked with a frown choosing to ignore the obviously addled couple.

"Why do you think the world is ending because I've shown up?" the Doctor demanded as if he were offended, "Maybe I've just shown up for the cake!"

With an offended glower he stalked off over to where the birthday boy was, Amy not far behind.

Gwen turned to the man that had come with them, "Is he really here just for the cake?"

He shrugged, "I have no idea, ask his twin."

"Rory wasn't it?" Martha asked shaking his hand, "Have you met me yet?"

"Of course I have." Rory looked confused.

"Well, you never know with the Doctors companions. The first time I met him was hours before he met me." Martha smiled kindly at him, understanding his confusion.

"First time I met him the world was about to explode, he mocked me and lifted me off the ground by my shirt collar," Rory looked uncomfortable,

"The next time he jumped out of a cake at me."

"Oh that's got to be a good story there." Jack grinned, "Why was he in a cake?"

"He—"

"Who's invading?" Luke asked having just arrived with his mum.

"Luke, say hello first!" Sarah Jane scolded him as she handed a brightly wrapped gift to Gwen, "Sorry we're late. The navigation system was refusing to translate into anything human. So, who _is _invading this time?"

"The Doctor is." Martha said in way of greeting.

"Ah. He owes me a toaster and a radio now," Sarah Jane said conversationally.

"He proclaims he's only here for the cake. I have doubts." Gwen told her.

"Who knows? I just hope you've got your appliances locked up."

"What is with him and appliances anyway?" Jack demanded of Rory, "Our coffee pot still refuses to produce anything other than that….that banana juice!"

"Our toaster still works fine," Rory shrugged, "Coffee pot did too, till River made it explode. But that was an accident, I think."

"Oi! Pond! Over here." the Doctor yelled gesturing at Rory.

"I told you—oh what's the use?" Rory sighed but obediently jogged the short distance between them.

"Just for the cake?" Sarah Jane asked Martha, her skepticism evident in her tone.

"Yup." Martha nodded, "5 pounds says that before the day's over something has exploded."

"That's a suckers bet. 10 say at least one person ends up covered in goo." Sarah Jane countered.

"Ladies, Ladies please." Jack grinned at them, "Really you don't know the man do you! I've got 20 that says by time this party is over something is on fire."

Martha and Sarah Jane exchanged a look before replying in unison: "Deal."

He wasn't sure what was going on but Luke was sure that it was something strange. The Doctor at a 2 year olds birthday party voluntarily? That couldn't be good.  
Luke walked over to where the Doctor stood, leaning against the fence his two friends on either side talking to them quietly and pointing at the children.

"That one there?" the Doctor pointed to a grinning drool covered infant," He'll get married 5 times."

"Really?" Rory asked.

"Yup." the Doctor grinned.

"How about that one?" Amy pointed to a different toddler, this one cuddled in his mother's arms.

"That one? If I remember right his grandson is the first person on mars. Well, first human anyway."

"Wow." The two looked as impressed as Luke felt.

"How about that girl?"

"Her? She's a future leader of Torchwood 3. I mean, look at her parents, isn't it obvious?"

"What about me?" Luke asked.

"You'll—Luke, I'm not telling you your future." the Doctor shook his head watching the teen.

"Why not? You're talking about theirs."

"Yes, but that's just for entertainment. They won't remember this conversation."

"Did you ever get all the marmalade out of your hair?" Amy asked curiously.

"It took me three showers to stop smelling of strawberries." Luke groused but smiled none the less.

"Sorry about that, but we needed bait. And he," the Doctor elbowed Rory lightly, "Pointedly refused."

"Hey! I didn't want to be eaten by a giant ant!" Rory protested.

"Luke didn't whine as much as you did." the Doctor countered.

"Luke was shanghaied into the position of bait," Amy corrected him, "He and his friend both. Speaking of I do believe you owe the boy an IPod, and his mother a navigational system, radio and toaster."

"Why? I improved them." the Doctor looked quite annoyed.

"Doctor, IPods should not double as alien homing beacons, navigational systems should speak human languages, radios should not broadcast news from Nagria, and toasters don't sing Carmen." Rory told him.

"Why not? They should. They'd be more interesting."

"Clyde's mum still can't figure out where 3 jars of Strawberry preserves went in one afternoon," Luke said, "Clyde says we shouldn't tell her."

"Just add the jars to the ever growing list of things we owe his friends—"

"And subtract from the many times I've saved the earth." the Doctor spoke over her, "And I still come out being owed so ha!"

"Doctor, why did you come today?" Luke asked.

"For the cake of course. Why else?"

"Well, the running bets involve aliens, invasions and explosions." Luke explained.

Amy laughed, "Oh I must get in on that betting pool."

"Do we even know the birthday boys' name?" Rory asked not really expecting an answer

The Doctor thought for a moment, "Justin?"

"Joseph." Luke corrected him.

"Ah, knew it was a J name." He grinned, "I was close!"

"Not even close." Amy disagreed with a laugh, "You should at least know the name of the person whose party you're crashing."

"It helps to know the name when singing too." Rory got in on the teasing.

"I usually show up just in time for cake truthfully.

"Did we get him a present?" Amy prodded him.

"Actually, that part I did remember!" the Doctor said proudly, "I got him a gift!"

"Bets that it's unisex because he couldn't remember if the baby was male or female?"  
The Doctor pointedly ignored the laughter behind him as they went to join the crowd getting ready to sing 'Happy Birthday'.

"Nothing better than earth sugar, "the Doctor sighed happily taking a big bite of cake, "Well, they've got some great ice cream in the Gamma Delta belt, but still."

"Mmhmm," Amy agreed stealing a bit of frosting from him with a grin.

"Oi!"

Rory just rolled his eyes at them trying to avoid getting frosting on him as the two playfully fought.

"Wait, are you really his twin?" Gwen asked remembering Rory's earlier comment.

"Of course I am, can't you see the resemblance?" Amy tossed her hair over her shoulder and grinned, an effect that was ruined as she then shrieked and was forced to duck away from the glob of frosting tossed her way, "I'm the reason he wants ginger hair. Always been grumpy our Doctor about how I 'got it on the first go' and he's been 11 regenerations now without."

"...Okay, I've been around Jack too long. I can't tell if you're being serious or just messing with me." Rhys said.

"I'm not serious, I'm the Doctor!" the Doctor said affronted, his glare less then effective due to the frosting that coated his bangs.

"I thought you said you were the last of the Time Lords," Martha pointed out.

"I'm not a lord, I'm a lady." Amy told her.

"Sometimes I wonder."

"OI!"

Rory barely managed to duck to the side as Amy tackled the Doctor playfully.

"Oh God please tell me he's the only one of his gene pool," Mickey pleaded, his hope diminishing as he watched the Doctor, Amy held over his shoulder her hands pounding his back, spin around as fast as he could in a circle in the middle of the yard.

Rory just took a bite of ice cream and shrugged. It was nice being the one who wasn't confused on occasion, he decided.

"Hey! Behave you two," Sarah Jane yelled half-heartedly at the two as they plummeted to the earth as the Doctor finally lost his footing, collapsing in a frosting covered dizzy heap.

"They are," Rory said.

"That right there," Jack pointed at Rory in indication of what he'd just said, "Scares me."

"Two Doctors, that's just…Scary." Gwen agreed.

"Not two, just the one. I think they'd both be insulted if you called her 'the Doctor'. Though it is marginally better than 'the Kiss-o-gram'." Rory considered it, ignoring the strange looks.

"Okay, we'll be good." the Doctor told Sarah Jane stealing a seat next to her

"Good is all a matter of perspective," Amy said sitting on Rory instead of finding a seat.

"You two better clean up before we go," Rory shoved her lightly; "I don't want a repeat of the ice cream incident of last week."

"Fine," the Doctor stood up but shook his head over Rory to dislodge any stray bits of frosting on him before heading to the house with Amy.

Rory sighed and wiped the frosting from his face, "I better go make sure they don't start a water fight in the house."

The group was so happy with the calm and serenity that descended (as much as can be had at any child's birthday party) that they didn't even realize that they let the Doctor alone in a kitchen until he'd returned.

"Well, we better get going. Fiara isn't going to save itself after all!" he declared cheerfully.

"Doctor," Amy nudged him.

"Oh right; Birthday Gifts. Strange tradition but," he dug around in his pockets for a moment before withdrawing a badly wrapped shiny package that should in no way have been able to fit in his pocket.

"It's not going to explode is it?" Gwen asked as she took it carefully.

"No. Probably not. Maybe. Don't think so." He shook his head and grinned, "I'm positively almost absolutely somewhat sure that that probably might not explode; Maybe."

Gwen just stared at him.

"Well, come along Ponds'. We've got work to do."

"See you next time." Amy waved cheerfully following him.

Rory paused and turned around last moment to look at them, "Sorry about the kitchen. I couldn't stop the fiddling with appliances tendency. Just add it to our bill." He gave them a small sympathetic smile before entering the TARDIS behind his wife and the Doctor.

The group left behind shared a look of unease.

"Cheer up, what can he have done in 5 minutes?" Jack said.  
Experimentally entering the kitchen they didn't notice anything too off.

"Coffee pot is fine," Jack checked it off the list.

"Blender looks normal." Mickey added.

"Ice maker seems normal too."

"Try the toaster," Sarah Jane told them.

Hesitantly as if expecting it to explode Rhys pulled it from the cupboard and placed it on the counter and plugging it in before flinching backwards. Nothing.

"Try putting bread in." Gwen suggested helpfully.

Rhys placed two slices in a backed up nearer the wall with the others all of whom were eyeing it with different levels of distrust.  
When the toast popped up they all jumped as if expecting the worst.

"Well, toaster is safe." Jack laughed sauntering over to grab the toast out, "Honestly what were you expect—"Jack cut his own sentence off with a look of horror as he glanced at the toast: "Run!"

He dashed forward and away from the toaster as a fizzing and popping noise was heard and with a bright light the toaster exploded, showering the seven of them in goo that smelled strongly of bananas.

"Oh that's disgusting!"'s mingled in the air with several "How the hell!"'s and a single "Oh that was cool!"

"What cued you off to that?" Mickey asked as he wiped the goo from his face.

"This!" Jack handed him the piece of toast before glancing backwards at the now flaming toaster.

"'Self destruct activated: Happy birthday!'" Mickey read in incredulity.

"Well, looks like the bet is a three way tie." Martha laughed as she tried to stand up again while simultaneously wiping goo off of herself.

Gwen's glare set off a new round of laughter.

"What'd you get him for his birthday Doctor?" Amy asked curiously once they were safely in the vortex once more.

"Jack-in-the-box," he replied with a smirk.

"It's not really going to explode will it?" Rory sighed in exasperation.

"Of course not; it's just shiny, bright, plays music and jumps out like a normal Jack-in-the-box."

"Then why'd you tease them like that?"

The Doctor grinned evilly, "Because now for the next few hours Jack is going to be playing with that toy studying it like it's about to explode. And dear old Jack, brave warrior, treasured Torchwood employee, womanizer extraordinaire is going to about wet himself every time it pops out."

"Oh that's evil!" Rory laughed,"Remind me not to get on your bad side."

"What'd he do to deserve that?" Amy giggled.

"Nothing," the Doctor chuckled, "Which makes it better 'cause he won't be expecting it."


End file.
